7 Stages of Grief

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain. Revelation 21:4

Grief is a process, There is no time limit on grief, however in time one can move forward and feel better. There will be days when you need to cry, and its normal because you're human. Surround yourself with family and friends, seek help, do something fun, and just know in the coming days the pain will lessen but the memory of the loss will remain the same.

1. Shock & Denial- This stage lasted a month for me, especially on day one. I was greeted at the door by my husband and a close family friend, they told me Josh didn't make it. After yelling and getting up off the ground, I ran through the house calling Joshua, I was greeted at his bedroom door by an officer, saying sorry for your loss.

2. Pain & Guilt- The thought of not having Joshua around was heartbreaking. I felt like a part of me had died as well. Then I began to tell myself I wish I would have asked the doctor to put him on the seizure medication and maybe he would still be alive. I actually looked in on him before going to work that day. Once again I beat myself up again by saying why didn't I wake him up before I left? Well it was summer time and when he's sleep, I always let him wake up on his own, unless we had to go somewhere. He was alive breathing, and laying on his right side when I saw him last.

3. Anger & Bargaining- I didn't stay in this stage for long, I did ask God "why me? and you know he was my only child. " I was actually mad at God, however it was a brief moment. As a born again believer I live with the hope that I will see him again, and God gave up his only begotten son, so why not me?

4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness- I personally had many sad moments, however I have a good circle of family, friends, and church family who were constantly around, so there was no time to be depressed. My days of reflection was the joy of motherhood and every moment I spent with Josh. I miss his laugh, smile, and all the rainbows he used to draw. Also, I remembered his baseball games, him dancing, his singing, and how he loved his momma's cooking. There were some lonely moments and those moments was spent in prayer and daily devotions. It kept me focused enough to keep me in my right mind.

5. The upward turn- After a day at the spa, I went back to work and tried to be a normal as I could be. This was truly an adjustment for me. I had to get used to looking at pictures when I wanted to see his smile, and going to the gravesite when I wanted to talk to him. After a six week break from school I moved forward to finish school, while working on Joshua's Puzzle Connection. In time, I was able to talk about him, look at pictures and I felt better.

6. Reconstruction & Working Through- As the days went by, life was somewhat normal again. Planning for two became normal, instead of planning for three. I also, began working on being a better me, I'm still a work in progress.

7. Acceptance and Hope- I finally accepted Joshua's transition, his time on earth was short and his purpose was done. Although this experience was painful, I had to move forward. I do have days when its hard to get out the bed and days when I'm emotional. I shed a few tears, however I don't stay there because I live with the hope that I will see him again in Heaven.

Joshua will always be in my heart and on my mind. However, through the healing process, I have began to find joy in living and moving forward with helping others. In the midst of my pain, I still have joy and a smile on my face.